but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize