and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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