remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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