tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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