Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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