Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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