It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
