I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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