ya dads aren't the best wingmen
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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