HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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