Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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