he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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