Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
