You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My hand turned me down
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
