literally had 100 drinks last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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