i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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