Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
