Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
