remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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