it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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