there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
