I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
