I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
