And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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