He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
