After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
