Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
