Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
