So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
