Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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