Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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