Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
