i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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