I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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