Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
