Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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