I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
