Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
