The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
