Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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