So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
