I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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