just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
