is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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