Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
