fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
