Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
