i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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