All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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