Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
