I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's like iHOP with fire
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
