dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize