I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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