how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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