Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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