You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
