I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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