Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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