Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
