He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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