So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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