Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
