I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
