My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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