and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
FUCK WHALES
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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