RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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