Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
