Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thus making me awesome and them whores
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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