Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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