sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
