I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
