theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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