North Korea, Best Korea!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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