dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
