Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
