Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
