Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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