There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
