Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had sex on a roof
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
