you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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