I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
