So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
