I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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