the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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