i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
